Bliss Blog

Today was such a nice day. Now that I am no longer working at the Yoga Center (which I was blessed to work at for 7 months as a Meditation Teacher), I was able to take one whole day off for me.  I woke up at 8:30 AM, went to a Indian Cooking class at 10:30 in Saratoga and was fed a nice Indian meal, Got a one hour massage from there, then a starbucks and home. Now off to the store for some fresh vegetable and fruit and to make a nice meal. Going to make some Thai jasmine rice with lemon and basil, a protein and some vegetables. Happy Sunday! 

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I know it has been a while since I have come here and written. I have been experiencing such growth in myself lately that I needed time to bathe in the lessons of life, things I am learning and the feelings I am feeling. I spoke with a shaman on Sunday who in talking out loud of his own self discoveries luanched us into a discussion that also was in relative terms of his own question. In healing, one works through disharmony often times by discussing them out loud and together with another wise person. If widom is in the person and in the teacher the answers appear effortlessly.

We discussed the way humanity feels as though if they are in suffering that there is something wrong with them. We talked about the spiritual man seperating from life but still feeling the ache of motivation to push and pursue to make a living, something that feels unauthentic and causes friction. The answer was, no matter if we push or not, we have always done what we do. We do not need to push, pursue or have a motive because we live in the present moment and that moment takes care of the next, whatever it will be. And if we look back, somehow, things have always been done.

Another wonderful teaching that came was that when we feel we are suffering, we attribute it to something must be wrong with us. The Shaman said, "How magnificent do you have to be?" That was profound because in my soul I feel at peace, in my soul I feel I am all that I need to be-magnificent. I did not need to put the added burden on myself that something is wrong with me becasue I have suffering, because things occur in life. I can accept that I am magnificent during the suffering. That the suffering does not mean there is something wrong with my makeup, it is a sign of the contrast of the natural harmony within and the thoughts that come to destroy it.

I walked for hours with my kindred spirit Michi on Sunday. Being in nature reminded me of that and for the first time in my adult life I was in this vortex of complete acceptance of myself and the moment. There was no time in my being in the presence of the present. I thought not about yesterday or tomorrow. All our thoughts were in harmony and much was in silence. The highest form of love. Sielnce is the highest form of love we can give ourselves because in that silence what is God-blossoms because our ego dissapears.

I still remmeber the glow of that Sunday. It has stayed with me and I am changed. The overwhelming feeling of nothingness is deepening in me and creating such peace in me even higher than before. When we see ourselves as nothing, just living an experience called life, loving, living, breathing, with no motives to pursue, nothing to prove, nowhere to be and no one to become, we are there in the spirit of enlightenment. I feel like the friendly gates have opened to me and I have crossed into a threshhold of silence and it beckons me to go deeper. I feel intoxicated by it. It feels like home.

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The Pilgrimage of Love Love is a pilgrimage. It is not something turned on and off. It is like a waterfall that obeys no one when told to stop, slow down or yield. Love obeys love only and does as it wants, feels as it feels, is true to what is true for itself. Not even a few steps or a few hundred steps equate to define the truth of what love is, for love is ever changing, like a flower, blossoming, ending, re-blossoming over and over again in new form, yet from the same root. We struggle to understanding what love is not by recognizing the fruits of darkness, violence and aggression; knowing love only shines in the light, yet it has many shadows. Love shines brightly and although it may have many corridors, shadows, cobwebs and mistakes in the path of love, each mistake, cobweb, shadow and the like lead to the path of light when we are ready to see what love is.

 By Sufani

Many reject love because to know what it is we must have experienced love. Some are still in the vibration of not deserving love and therefore reject it when it comes because of all the limitations and definitions of what love must be in order for us to accept love. Yet we can no more define love as an absolute definition then we can define God in a word. We cannot know what love is truly as love is not tangible. We only see love in its earthly form because the bodies animate love but we are only seeing the reaction of love in the body, we do not see love itself in its purest essence. When we try to define love and what it is, we limit it to our current reality of what we believe love is in a finite sense. From the moment we do, we are incorrect because love is infinite, indescribable, enigmatic, imperfect and perfect in its imperfections. Love is only imperfect as a result of the human being expressing it in a physical expression of  matter,  yet perfect in its emotion to love and be free with loving. Few know this level of loving because few are free with giving their love. We must give love in order to receive it in return.

One whom says, “I know what love is,” in itself reveals the novice state of being because no one can truly know what love is by definition, as love is indefinable. One who rejects the light of love and says, “This is not love,” shows their novice state in their finite definition of what love is based on their limited understanding to experience love. Love is best left to the feeling of love, accepting it when it comes, being grateful for its presence, letting it stay if it wants to, and go when it gets the call. Love is a pilgrimage; it never stops walking the path to enlightenment. When we find true love in another, the walk becomes a journey that each take together when one or the other gets the call.

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Today I am going to see Keiko Matsui, a really awesome jazz pianist in Modesto.

Yesterday my son Julian was trying to buy me slip on vanz in pink cuz I never end up wearing the tie shoes. I don't really like shoes to begin with so they need to be slip ons, heels or sandal types. The ones he wanted to get me sold out so when I got home I found money on the desk with a note saying he couldn't get me the vans but that  I should go out and buy something I want. How sweet is that? Its so strange to be at a point in your life when you really have to think of what to buy because you don't want anything. I had to really think, "What do I need?" Sexy bras and panties was the only thing I wanted to get so I went and got them. Cute, cute, cute! I know men think we buy these for them but really we are buying them for ourselves (maybe a little for them). We like to feel sexy no matter if there is someone to look or not. Although it is fun to see the look on the face of a man who sees a really sexy pair of undies and a bra-Lol.

I had a few dollars left so I went into a store and looked at the constume rings which I love. I saw the most hilarious ring I just had to get it. It was an Escape button- like from the computer. I put it on my ring finger-Lol! Then I went to Orchard Supply to buy soil for my growing plant kids who need a transfer and forgot about the ring. The cashier said, "Is that an escape key?" I looked at her and smiled, "YEP!" She laughed and said, "Does it work?"  I thought for a minute and said, "Yes, with meditation!" The other people in line laughed to and I though what an awesome $5.99 purchase. Everyone understands dreams of escape!

Love & Light!

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I had a talk with my Mom today. I felt that the emotions of her loss have been a deep river waiting for the best moment to come up. I was drawn to go look at her photos. I always pick her photo of a miniature memorial card that I made with her picture of her two days before she died and two of her death photos in the hospital bed. I guess I keep them together to remember how she was before she passed and seeing the pictures to tell myself that she really is gone. I sobbed like a baby- I needed it. It's a primal loss-so many memories withdrawn a chance. Just wish there was more. I told her in my tears I was sorry that she suffered. She told me "don't cry baby. Its okay. I'm still here." I said, "I know you are, but not really." She just smiled at me. She is so much softer now in her omnipresence. I wish we had more of that time together. When she passed she spent a few days with me while I was planning her memorial, walking with me to pay for the gas at the pump was the last time she was with me before she went away. I just remember how happy she was to be walking with me and talking, approving of all the preperations we were making, with a bump in her step. She had her legs back and she was so happy. Wish there were more times like that when she was here but it is the way it is.

I had a client today who inspires me. I see him as a friend. I blur that line between client, student and friend. I guess thats just my style. But he inspires me to see so much healing and ability ot change and to listen. I learn so much from him as I watch him grow. With every challenge he gives me I grow in trying to meet it. I love this work.

Then I went to the gym for ujam which I was sad when I got there and it was some other teacher who was teaching Turbo kick boxing??? But I was down for the adventure. She was having a great time up there, too bad no one else could follow her. She was having a one woman party. I left after 30 minutes when my legs just started flopping around like spaghetti cause I didnt really care or like it. An old work associate was there and she walked out with me. We laughed and talked to Jumma from the club (he works there). His name means 'Community Prayer.' Leslie began to sing my praises about my own business and how I wrote a book. He looked at me and said, "You wrote a book? And look at you, so humble." I was a little embarrased and underwhelmed I guess knowing that the book was universally rejected by the publishing world back then. But still I wrote a book. I love that book. He looked at me and said, "You know humility is the gateway to heaven?" "That's good to know I said." I could user a gateway to heaven.

Then as I walked out with Leslie we talked about indifference and how we seem out of body these days when people act so crazy and you just don't care enough to let it bother you. She said, "You told me something over 7 years ago and I wrote it down and I remember it to this day. You said, "There is no right. There is no wrong. There is only what is." I was so surprised to hear that from her. I am always surprised to hear others quote me and am humbled that my words helped others and stuck through the ages. Hearing it was liek being reunited with an old friend. That is more important than any publishing deal. One persoin at a time is my modow anyway.

I'm writing a new book now. Called Kialsa's Love. A Reincarnation love story of a man who came back to find his love that he never got over.

Love & Light

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